Mar. 13th, 2013

[identity profile] cabaretlights.livejournal.com


Tonight in Babylon (Protoculture Remix)
Loverush UK! ft Bryan Adams
Tonight in Babylon - Single
2012

: Last March I listened to this song as I was coming back on the train from Toronto. It was a pretty perfect weekend with an incredibly important friend (Amanda). And it was strawberry spring: warmth, sunshine, melted snow; it was the weekend before we sat on porch in shorts. I vibrate when I think of that weekend, that time (especially now, especially remembering what, exactly, was brewing). I spent that Sunday I got back drinking amaretto, dancing to Bowie, smelling that inimitably spring smell on the back of my hands. And as Montreal pulled into view, I blared "Tonight in Babylon" -- my cells spinning inside me. I was going home.


Today I am also going home. I am excited to see my apartment. My family, friends. You. But I am leaving something (someone) behind and it is physically fucking painful to do it.

I wish there were words to express how conflicted I am.
There aren't; and at first glance this song does nothing to help, either. It's a club anthem with BRYAN ADAMS, yeah I know, as the vocalist, and the refrain is "everybody feels alright!"


But it's a little mournful. A little hard to stomach. A little twisted, maybe, in the vocals, a little dishonest. And maybe it's exactly right.
Friday night I sat on the balcony with Julie, Justin, and a glass of white wine and I wanted to cry but I held back tears because it was so bittersweet ----- this is what I have been missing in Montreal. Not drinking wine on a balcony, I can do that whenever; drinking wine on the balcony with them; with her. All my whining about friendship in the past year has been precisely this: I miss having her in my city. And I have amazing friends, but everyone means something different in a life, and to be missing this particular component on a daily basis is too much, sometimes. Much of the time. More than I realized until I saw her in person again.

We'll be celebrating, dancing until dawn
Come on dry your tears now
Put your dark glasses on



This week has been so easy, natural, so simply fun and uplifting that this song applies perfectly, until I realize that I'm leaving and I won't be able to hug her for months. It shouldn't slip by so quickly. It's not fair.

I will be excited to see Montreal as I approach it tomorrow, but it won't be the same as when I did last year. I won't be excited to see the city, or to leave the place I was in before (I will be excited to be with you, almost exclusively). I am a year wiser, a year more aware of what I've got and what I've lost. Adulthood can probably be summed up in contradictions and bittersweet moments, or at least that's how it feels right now.


But I'll be back. And the mournful tinge to this song, that pressing feeling that Bry Bry and Loverush UK! are trying to convince themselves to go out after a funeral: that will shift back to the blissful, beautiful feeling I had last year when I got home, appreciating the time I'd had with Amanda, but also looking forward to the times to come ------ and that's what I need to think about, right now. This is not the end -- just a pause.
[identity profile] amethysting.livejournal.com


Home
Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros
Up From Below
2009

I have Bethel and Songza to thank for this one.

Sometimes I can't help but think that technology is very aware; more specifically, that technology (music-related, mainly) knows exactly what I need; that things are revealed at the precise moment they are needed.

It seemed that no matter what playlist I ended up selecting on Songza, I would end up coming across this song.  Every time I heard the opening of "Home", I would smile, rush towards Bethel and click click click the volume up to its capacity,

"ALABAMA, ARKANSAS, I DO LOVE MY MA AND PA,
BUT NOT THE WAY THAT I DO LOVE YOU
HOLY MOLEY ME-OH-MY, YOU'RE THE APPLE OF MY EYE
GIRL, I'VE NEVER LOVED ONE LIKE YOU"

I've mentioned my penchant towards boy/girl vocals before, and this song is no exception.  Now that I have it (i.e. own it; i.e. paid money for it--only to realize that I had already downloaded it ages ago, haha), it is one of those songs that consistently slaps a huge grin on my face. I LOVE THIS SONG.  I must have listened to it fifty times already.  Enough times to have memorized the lyrics (even that talking bit:

"Jade?
Alexander?
Do you remember that day you fell out of my window?"...and so on...AH.  I love that part.  That part is smiling at the bus stop, waiting for the 105.)

I love that opening whistle solo (yes, whistle solo).
And the lyrics.  The LYRICS.

Clearly this song came to me at the time it would have the greatest impact.

I missed you.  I longed for you.  I thought.  A lot.  And came to the conclusion that:

"Home is wherever I'm with you"

I should have written this post on Wednesday (cough, yes, I am using that backdating LiveJournal feature)...or even before that, when I was completely caught up in this song, when it was the only thing I listened to, on repeat.  But, here we are, a few days later...and, it still has the same effect.  Immediate elation.  Arms wide (arms wide seems to be a qualifier for me, in some way), pure bliss.  A song that can speak for me when my own words are insufficient.

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