Apr. 10th, 2013

[identity profile] amethysting.livejournal.com

Lola Stars and Stripes
The Stills
Logic Will Break Your Heart

The Stills is a band I've kind of forgotten about over the years.  They don't have the staying power (in my mind, anyway) of a band like Interpol (clearly a source of inspiration for The Stills).  BUT, on a whim, I popped this album in the other day and the opening track, "Lola Stars and Stripes" instantly filled me with the kind of uplifting buoyancy one can only get from music.

"Lola Stars and Stripes" has such a heartening effect that I tend to forget that it is about impending world-annihilation.  I love the way the opening of the song vibrates and shimmers.  It has a chorus that needs to be belted, that needs the enthusiastic accompaniment of close-fisted hand gestures.  The greatest song ever?  No.  But sometimes great means the way a song makes you feel in a given moment.
[identity profile] cabaretlights.livejournal.com

Close That Door
Dig Up the Dead

: Spring is taking its sweet-ass time to properly arrive, and my music memories -- associated so strongly with the weather -- are having a hard time keeping up. But, thumbing my nose at the cold, I decided to use another musical memory trigger: perfume.

So I broke out the B&BW Cherry Blossom this week. And I put on my "2011 Springalicious Vol. 1"  playlist. And just like that, it was April 2011 and I was on the bus, a warm, almost muggy April afternoon, heading from work to Claremont, listening to this song on my iPod.
And man -- for someone who constantly complained about how rough 2011 was, goddamn was I a mass of BIG FEELINGS.

The memories that my Cherry Blossom perfume pull up are incredible, in retrospect. In Spring 2011, I had been wrestling with heretofore unexperienced feelings for a friend, feelings anyone listening would have called romantic -- but it wasn't like I was talking. I kept them to myself, terrified that I would ruin the friendship, terrified that I was ruining myself by focusing so intently on something I knew was unrealistic, something that became almost damaging, by the end of the season.

But the end is for another post: we're in April right now, doused in Cherry Blossom perfume, and listening to "Close That Door."
I remember wanting to post this, back when our posts were numbered in the single digits; I remember wanting you to hear it. I also remember thinking of you constantly, and aching for a resolution to my emotional ambiguity. I just wanted it to stop; it didn't stop. I kept spritzing Cherry Blossom perfume and I kept listening to a cycle of songs and I kept feeling uncertain.

To capture that time, those April memories, "Close That Door" does it best. The lyrics are as ambiguous as my feelings were: does the door close on the relationship...or does it close behind them?

Looking back now, it's amazing how intense I felt, all the time. It was visceral. And obviously my feelings have shifted, found new shape, a new place to settle and new reasons to expand and explode ---- but there's something so powerful about the memories; about not knowing.

So a song, and a scent, and I am two years younger and I realize:
"you'll always be the one I'm always waiting for."


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