[identity profile] amethysting.livejournal.com

Skin on Skin
The Unwinding Hours
Afterlives
2012

The question I went over and over again:

What kind of quiet do I want to write about, exactly?

I thought about the need for post-work quiet.  The necessity of walking out of this building and immediately putting my headphones on--cupping my ears and giving my weary head a hug.  Letting that moment erase the clatter, the clutter of the entire day: R's prattling about her gastro-intestinal issues and the temperature in her classroom, M's...everything, parents' complaints, the phone's piercing ring, the sound of the door clicking when it is unlocked.

I thought about the quiet in my own head.  How it can get noisy in there sometimes--self-deprecation and doubt bouncing off the walls of my skull.  I could think of songs that echoed that noise.  That silenced it.

The quiet I ask for (please!) is the kind that momentarily shuts the world out; like pulling a blanket up over my ears on a morning when I just really do not want to get up.

I downloaded this album a few weeks ago because I liked the band name and had to do a double take to figure out what was going on with the album art. 

This song had me at its opening beat.  That plodding drum.  Nasal voice.  Makes-my-heart-flutter "skin on skin...on fire".  It's weird that there is so much weight...so much feeling between the words that our said.  The lyrics total eleven lines, but this song, its words, seem bigger than that.  Other instruments join that plodding drum at the right moments--emphasizing certain words, stirring the heart.

The moment when everything is at its calmest, quietest--when I feel myself letting go of the incessant cacophony that rattles in my head--is when I am lying down beside you, curled into your neck, wrapped in your arms.  The quiet I am after is the kind that gives me room to think; a wide expanse to direct that thinking, because "in silence, I'm listening again".

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