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Once And For All
Artist: Clock Opera
Album: Once And For All EP
Year: 2010
♥: So all my personal conflict in the past year or so has led to this realization:
I am not sure I am emotionally capable of growing up.

It helps to be able to say what's wrong, but there's not really a lot I can do about it. I can resist it all I want, but even the chemicals in my brain are against me; my psychological composition may just be changing. The people around me are changing, too. Vodka on a Tuesday night is starting to take its toll. We used to show up to class/work drunk in the morning; most people now leave before 11. The early twenties are over and the habits seem to be shifting on their own, without our consent. So we justify, we rationalize -- I'm good at both but it leaves me empty.

When did we grow up and when did we lose
Everything we were so sure of back then
How do we know it won't happen again

Well, I guess, "like it or not, you'll change."



But this song --
this gorgeous, layered, explosive, honest, wrenching, electro-rock song -- 
isn't content with that, and neither am I.
My 9s, today, wrote their final Animal Farm thoughts, and the revolutionary undertones made me love them even more than I already do. Most of them hated the movie ending, hated that things were wrapped with a happy ending, remembered me drawing a circle on the board and writing down that beautiful line from We: "Revolutions are infinite." They wanted the raw anger they felt when we finished the book together, the feeling of uncertainty, the hope for something more despite knowing perfection can't ever really exist, the desire to change the world on their own terms. They were furious. "The book is so much better, Miss, the book makes you want to fight."



So: maybe I'll be in turmoil for the rest of my life, unable to articulate exactly what my problem is, unable to fit in -- or maybe I will fit in, maybe I'll come to terms with adulthood and let go of what I'll call my adolescent naivete. But -- and this is the really beautiful thing about all this, this is the honest bullet grazing my skin and keeping me angry enough to fight for something passionate ------- revolutions, political and personal, are infinite.
There is no once and for all.