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Happiness v Sadness
Robots in Disguise
Happiness v Sadness
2011

I'm not really familiar with the work of Robots in Disguise, but I've kind of been into this album lately.  Apparently it is their fourth (where have I been?).  They kind of remind me of Nina Persson + Le Tigre + Freezepop + The Raincoats; and even if their sound isn't wholly original, I dig it, man.

I listened to music a lot over the weekend, but when it came to picking a song for today, I was kind of lost.  The Tuesday Panics set in and I decided to do some FOCUSED listening on my walks to/from Hampstead.  As I walked down Hampton, this song came on.  I had just finished spending an hour talking about how I had had such a great weekend and how my mood is so stable BUT, still, the worry.  The little bit of nervousness that is kind of at the periphery of things--that I will get REALLY sad again, and this time will just be totally sucked in by it.  Gilda said that I will (obviously) experience sadness, but I wanted to differentiate between BIG sad and small sad.  Anyway, she basically said that constantly worrying that a small sad is going to become a BIG sad could make it so.  That if I get sad I should just be sad and not fret and agonize and be angry or scared about the way I am feeling. 

Back to the walk home: the manic, bouncy beat of this song poured into my ears and I tilted my head to the side to listen.  I love the chorus ("Happiness v. sadness/I'm like a yo-yo on a string string string [...] High high, low low/Happiness v. sadness OH") and the verse about the doctor ("Can this 7 pounds and 20 p. really beat my moods?").  I like that this song makes the flip flop between happiness and sadness not only light, but normal. 

When I came home from work today I was tired, and discouraged, and annoyed and kind of put off by the personality traits of certain people.  My head hurt.  And my stomach hurt, but I was hungry at the same time.  I had a peanut butter sandwich and some yogurt and then what was left of this pasta dish (that I had also had for lunch).  That would have been enough to kick off a downward spiral.  I could feel myself zoning out and kind of detaching.  My mind was going in a dozen directions at once.  I tried to read.  Put on Beverly Hills, 90210 and, by the second episode, I fell asleep.  I woke up and it was dark.  OH GREAT, I thought.  Another wasted night.  I checked the time, 6:45 p.m.  I wasn't completely wiped.  I didn't want to stay curled on the couch for the rest of the night, the rest of the week.  I thought, I totally can write my post.  I probably can finish my book.  When I got home, I walked into the kitchen and thought I would probably only get to the dishes Friday.  After the nap, I spent twenty minutes doing dishes and neatening up the kitchen and my room.  I didn't have that heavy feeling, the kind of dread and despair and disappointment.

And I put on this song.  It makes me smile without having to think about it.  It makes me feel buoyant.  But, if I'm going to be perfectly honest, it sort of makes me ugly-dance--with punching fists and flailing arms, erratic kicks, thrashing head and a constant, springy jump.