sixty-seven.

[cabaretlights.livejournal.com]

Anna Sun
Artist: Walk the Moon
Album: Anna Sun EP
Year: 2012
♥: There are several concepts I feel the need to drill into my students' heads -- some of them because they mean a lot to me (integrity!), some because they'll need to pass my class (thesis statement!). Rarely, something will be both; one of these is connotations.

I am huge on connotations -- on association, symbol, ulterior motives and alternate meanings -- and it's also pretty important to know the context and connections of what you're saying, period (which is why I feel justified repeatedly bringing it up in class. "Remember connotations, guys, what are the connotations of what Romeo is saying?"). What is connoted? What else comes up? What are the images, ideas, feelings attached to this little piece of information?

Connotations have been shifting a lot for me recently.
When I first heard this song, at the end of March, it was immediately -- at the time, I thought irrevocably -- attached to the person I was then. Or, more accurately, I guess, the person I was trying to return to -- the person I wanted to be. This song, like "She's Dope," gave me butterflies -- I blared it, nonstop. Skipped down the street, threw my fists in the air as I danced to its fabulous indie rock vibe, felt it. Loved it. Couldn't get sick of it. It was Jill, years ago: I felt the way I had, with the connotations I kept trying to return to.

And then, as all songs do, it slowly got replaced by more recent downloads, left to patiently wait until late March-early April 2013 when it and all the other songs-of-the-season will be revisited.


Except it shuffled up the other day, and I had new ears. I realized -- as I danced, crazy -- it wasn't butterflies anymore...it was stars.

"Your hands on my cheeks
Your shoulder in my mouth --
We rattle this town
We rattle this scene."


So the connotations -- not just to this song, but to many parts of my life -- are shifting.
And, in a lot of ways separate from the (obvious -- to you, anyway) cause, I'm becoming someone new.

& for the first time in almost nine years,
I'm not trying desperately to hold on to those connotations I thought made me me.
I'm changing, and I have no idea where I'm going, but I'm ready for it.
"This house is falling apart!"
(In all the best ways.)