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Mad Season
Artist: Matchbox Twenty
Album: Mad Season
Year: 2000
♥: I had an entirely different post planned, and: nope. I think this speaks to how present this community is in my mind: it's a real representation of everything that matters at a particular moment, otherwise, it's dishonest. I don't know if I ever realized how important it is for me to tell the truth, here, before tonight.

So.
Tonight, drinks with some excellent people, and the conversation turned to lots of fascinating things, including first impressions. Now apparently, I (and a few of said excellent people) come off as intimidating...to which I responded, "Well why the fuck would you think that?!" and a friend replied, "Um, that's why, Jill." Fair enough -- I swear like I'm from southeast Boston. But I know it's more than that: thing is, the "intimidating" impression is 2 parts passion, 2 parts nutcase, and 1 part defense mechanism.

As the conversation progressed, it became increasingly clear that I'm not the only one with this problem. In fact, I'm one of 7 billion. First impressions are, of course, bullshit: but how interesting to see what people perceive. Am I really, really, seen as someone who has her shit together? Who is confident and abrasive and overwhelming? All words that came up, all words with which I don't identify. I am not the impression I apparently give. And, come to think of it, none of my friends, are, either: no one in my life is as one-dimensional as that.


So.
Do I post my initial song, my unique fabulous new-band-aren't-i-hip song, or do I post something fully unintimidating? Something from long ago, something poprock? Something...honest?
And the more I post, the more I go with honest.

As I offhandedly mentioned Sunday, I've been listening to this album a lot, this past week. I was going to post another song from it(specifically: Leave, a ballad that gets me every. time.), but then I was too ~struck by it to hit "back" on the 'pod while on the 24, and Mad Season shuffled up, and isn't it always the case that you hear exactly what you need exactly when you need it?

Well I feel stupid, but it's something that comes and goes
I've been changin' -- I think it's funny how no one knows
We don't talk about the little things that we do without

This isn't brilliant songwriting by any stretch, but it's relatable. It's genuine. It's accessible, and maybe that's the point: there's always something standing in the way of any encounter, any moment. Can you push past it? Can you realize, really realize, that we are ALL insecure, despite how any of us may come off, and that maybe all it takes is someone to be really, honestly, genuine? That's when the connection really happens, after all, right -- when we stop trying to be something other than what we are. Whatever THAT is. We access when we stop bullshitting: when we become vulnerable. When we respond truthfully. When we post stuff like Matchbox Twenty instead of the obscure band du jour (not, of course, that the obscure band du jour isn't fabulous in its own right!).


But, musically, Mad Season has its own merit. Can we fucking TALK about that emotional hit in the bridge/chorus. Say whatever about Matchbox Twenty: at 2:09, the melody of the following phrases ----------- I'm beyond a fan.

You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken
I come undone, in this mad season.


Cheers: to coming undone!