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Shapeshifting
Young Galaxy
Shapeshifting
2011

♥: Palinka is not a type of fizzy wine-like substance.

It's actually a type of hard liquor. I only say this because tonight [I am writing this post on Tuesday night, 11pm Budapest time], for some reason, I thought the reverse, and ordered a glass of it -- cherry, of course. When it arrived in a tall shot glass, I swallowed my surprise (and, in smaller sips, the brandy). It actually did have a cherry-like aftertaste...once the burn stopped.

I was at Katapult Kávéház, a cafe-bar not too far off the beaten path, but one I had initially bit my lip at longingly before continuing on. It's strange -- since arriving here it's like I've forgotten how to travel alone. I feel awkward, defer; I miss my steel-toed boots. So -- I found a cute cafe with less personality (good coffee, though), started my book, put on my headphones, hit "shuffle" on the playlist, and this song came on.

I love the beginning: strange, a bit dissonant, odd echoes, but the lyrics: "Bird of prey has moved in me / like a splinter." I bit my lip again, still longing, wanting to be in a cafe with red and black walls, not something well-lit and demure. I had a meta moment when those eastern-influenced drums hit: "what are you worried about?!" By the end of a few repeats, I'd paid for my coffee and left.

I ordered that palinka under the heady influence of Shapeshifting, sitting at a bar reading my book listening to rock from Europe's '70s. Everyone around me was in groups of two or more (except one creepy guy writing on a little notepad; I unwittingly feel solidarity with those kinds of people), but for the first time since I arrived [and, if I'm being honest, for a bit longer than that], I felt vibrant, complete.

Music is more powerful than philosophy, than psychology, than self-help books. Combined with literature, it makes me invincible. I thought of you as I downed the last sip of that shot; you get it in a way no one else will.

Creature of change
It's me who unveins
Choking on tethers and weather
Invading my veins
...And I'm shapeshifting.

Currently watching music videos on German-language TV, hoping for a gem. Miss you!!!