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New Resolution
Heartless Bastards
Stairs and Elevators
2005

I haven't committed my year-in-review or my look-ahead-to-2012 lists to paper yet, but both have been at the forefront of my mind the past couple of weeks.

A year is a funny thing because, if you're focused on the big events, it may seem like not all that much has happened.  But then I look back on my 5pm_weds posts; the list of books I've read and the quotations I saved (I read Room THIS year?  That means I worked at the library earlier this year!); ramblings in my notebooks, the things I loved (some things are pretty consistent (i.e. Castle was on my list in January, haha) and others are a fleeting memory (i.e. Magiska (March) or "the smell of hose water" (July)) and I can't help but realize that A LOT has happened this year.

I tend to reflect and examine and question things all the time, but looking at a year in its entirety is always interesting.  I like seeing the patterns that emerge...the cycles I get caught up in or the things I keep coming back to.  Even better is realizing all of the ways I have (and haven't) changed.  I'm not the same person I was at the end of December 2010, but that Stephanie-of-the-past isn't a complete stranger either.

I picked this song because reflecting on the past usually results in looking towards the future.  I've always liked the idea of New Year's resolutions--or, not resolutions exactly, but rather that urge to start something new or try something different (sure, you can do this at any point during the course of a year, but there is something about hanging up a new calendar on January 1st that marks a definite...shift).  I've loved this song for a long time.  I am addicted to the sound of those rolling, tumbling drums and those explosions of the cymbals.  They are the perfect musical accompaniment to moving steadily forward with fists clenched.  I love the tone of Erika Wennerstrom's voice; when she shouts, "stagnancy makes me drown/and I really want to live!" I feel stronger. (Aside: I always heard "sadness" and not "stagnancy"...it's funny how you can kind of hear what you want to hear sometimes).  I think I have written so many times about how certain songs become my themes and the lyrics become my mantra.  As I'm working on my looking-ahead-at-2012 list, and reflecting on how far I've come this year, this song will run through my mind on repeat.

"My new resolution is to be
Someone who does not take everything so seriously [...]
My new resolution is to be
Someone who does not care what anyone thinks of me."