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Scarlet Fields
The Horrors
Primary Colours
2009
Build-Up

I love The Horrors (despite the fact that whenever I tell people their name they respond with, "The Whores?  What the fuck are you talking about?").  The first time I listened to this album, I was sitting at my desk in my old room in front of my computer.  I played the album from beginning to end without really doing anything else.  The music made me feel dizzy, off-kilter, a little sick.  I listened with my eyes closed, let my head drop.  Even if it makes me sound a little wacky, I think it was the first time that, behind closed eyes, I could actually SEE the music as this real, defined thing.   

This song relates to this week's theme in three ways:

1) I associate it with the the days leading up to the end of Stage number three.  Counting down the days and getting so close to numbers that seemed real and possible...numbers like 4, 3, 2, 1.  I saw The Horrors at Petit Cafe Campus a few days before the end of Stage.  When it finally came time for the concert, the built-up anticipation had transformed me into this crazed, intensely excited person.  I listened to the album every day walking to and from Stage; when I listened to Scarlet Fields this morning I could picture myself walking through the park behind my mom's house, feet stomping on the ground that had just begun to freeze.  The concert was on a weeknight.  I stood, shivering outside Cafe Campus waiting for my friend to meet me when the band exited the building and stood in a little knot in front of me.  I remember thinking, my goodness, they have such skinny legs, and pale skin, and black hair!  The lead singer was carrying one of those black, old-fashioned doctor's bags and they all wore shrunken leather jackets and had their hands shoved in their pockets.  Going to the concert was a reminder that there were still things I enjoyed.  There was life outside of teaching.  There were still things that made me feel something other than anxiety or depression.

2) The music itself builds-up to a wailing, nauseating swirl.  I like the steady dependability of the drumming.  There is a build-up to the end of the song, but also to every round of the chorus when that wailing synth joins in and the drums intensify.

3)  I also associate this song, and the album, with the build-up to what was probably an unavoidable, but awkward moment.  The day of the concert, Tina and Peggy came over after work for tea.  But not really.  Really it was just an awkward confrontation that kind of changed everything.  This song is so inextricably linked to that time and that moment, but I'm okay with that.

When the sun sets
On dark silhouettes
Collapse into dream
Collapse into dream